Breakdown of TV Drama Plots

38%: Cops.

34%: Lawyers.

27%: Doctors.

1%: Original Ideas.

Lies People Tell Themselves

1) I'm just doing this to put myself through college.

2) My children mean the world to me.

3) That was a fun movie.

4) Oh yeah, I can taste the fruit in this one.

5) That's a beautiful work of art.

6) Looking back on my life, I wouldn't change a thing.

Five Actual Tom Petty Lyrics, and Two Made Up Lyrics

1) Some things are over, some things go on.

2) It's alright if you love me, it's alright if you don't.

3) He's a self-made man, he did it on his own.

4) We were young, not yet old.

5) You're for me, I'm for you.

6) But what comes up must come down.

7) You got me babe, I got you.

Most Likely Causes of Death for Billionaires

1) Inheritance conspiracy plot.

2) Malfunctioning robot-servant attack.

3) Head trauma from diving into a pool of gold coins.

4) Defeated in battle while trying to save crime-infested city from super villains.

5) Dying the same way they made their fortune: wrestling gorillas.

6) Peasant uprising.

Top Dream Jobs (By Age)

Five years old: Astronaut.

Eleven years old: Basketball player.

Eighteen years old: Indie Musician.

Twenty-two years old: Tattoo artist.

Thirty years old: Upper management executive.

Forty years old: Whatever that guy Dave in payroll does.

Fifty years old: Retiree.

Seventy-five years old: Person who is still alive in ten years.

Least Successful Methods Of Getting A Date

1) Donating kidney to a single woman on the transplant waiting list.

2) Letting an extremely rare Magic card drop out of your pocket, slowly picking it up and saying, "Oh, how clumsy of me."

3) Having your therapist vouch for you.

4) Bragging about your Halo kill/death ratio.

5) Joining the army to prove to her dad that you aren't a no-good slacker.

6) Being yourself.

Presidentially Declared "Days of Infamy"

1) December 7th, 1941: Japan attacks Pearl Harbor.

2) April 13th, 1823: James Monroe's wife makes his turkey sandwich with mayonnaise instead of mustard.

3) September 22nd, 1968: LBJ's best friend, Frank, borrows the president's golf clubs without asking first.

4) March 18th, 1872: A DC area bartender won't accept Grant's twenty dollar bill because it's, "too crinkled."

5) January 30th, 1992: Bush's dry cleaner loses the president's favorite pair of slacks.