1) A celebrity wore a new hat.
2) Some little kid overcame a disability to do something you don't care about.
3) Blah blah terrorism blah blah.
4) The economy is in shambles! (But we're secretly enjoying it.)
5) An attractive lady was kidnapped.
6) Boy, there are a lot of fat people around here, aren't there?
7) There's something terrible going on in a place you never heard of, but you should feel awful about it.
