Sunday, May 17, 2009
Good Ideas For Rich People
1) Have all your servants dress like cops, tell them to phrase everything they say as if they're in a police drama, and make them call you "Chief."
"Chief, we've got a situation on our hands down in the kitchen. It's pretty bad... I think you should come down here."
Whenever they do a poor job cleaning your bathroom, or cooking your food, you can call them into your office and tell them that you won't have one of your men go rogue, and that you're tired of their loose-cannon act.
2) Whenever a guest leaves a room, have your servants change all the paintings and furniture in the room before you bring the guest back to that room.
3) Have a full orchestra play out on your lawn at all times. When guests ask if that's expensive, you say, "It is expensive. But only because I kill one player at random whenever I hear a flat note."
4) Buy all of the milk in your county. Whenever it gets into the grocery store, have one of your servants buy it all out so that no one else can get any.
5) Rent out an amusement park for the entire day, insist that all the employees still come to work, then spend the whole day in the arcade playing skee-ball.
6) Buy a large company and then intentionally run it into the ground. For example, if you were to buy a fast food company, you would start selling celery sticks, and only celery sticks. But you wouldn't advertise that, or change the menu at all. If someone orders a hamburger, they get celery sticks. A combo meal is celery sticks with a side of celery sticks, and a cup filled with celery sticks. All your employees must keep a straight face while they work.
7) Take out large ads in national circulation newspapers for products and or businesses that do not exist. Then, people will start looking on the internet for rocket shoes, or whatever it is you fake-invented, and will go crazy when they can't find them.
8) Make a statue or yourself pulling your pants down that is so large, it can be seen from miles away. If you have enough money, make it so large that it is visible from outer space.
9) Make all your servants get plastic surgery to look just like you.
10) Steal Christmas.