Superpowers: From Most to Least Desired

1) Ability to fly.

2) Extraordinary strength.

3) Super speed.

4) Being really good at guessing the temperature.

5) Ability to shape shift, but only into the shape of a spoon, and it's difficult to change back.

6) Not getting sick after eating lots of oreos, but other cookies can still make you feel sick.

7) Having a really long name.

Possible Future Trends

1) Leaving your pants unzipped.

2) Only pronouncing the first three letters of every word you say.

3) Walking around with a pencil on the side of your ear.

4) Catholic priest collars.

5) Hard hats.

6) Sitting in really big chairs.

7) Dressing like wild animals.

8) Liking bad music (guaranteed.)

Questions Not To Ask On A Job Interview

1) If you die, will I get your job?

2) What exactly is your nap-time policy?

3) How often am I allowed to show up late?

4) Equal Opportunity Employment covers sex offenders, correct?

5) That black guy I saw when I walked in, he doesn't actually work here, does he?

6) How much more money per week do you pay when compared to Unemployment?

7) If I skip a few casual Fridays, can I save it all up for one really casual Friday?

Advantages Of Being Homeless

1) No one ever engages you in small talk.

2) You never need to go furniture shopping.

3) You never get asked to donate money to charity.

4) You can drink as much as you want without worrying about having to drive home.

5) You never have to wake up to an alarm clock.

6) Cops don't scare you because going to jail is actually an upgrade.

7) You save a lot of money on soap.